SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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