You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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