woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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