That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
