I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
