Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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