The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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