My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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