You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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