Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
