I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
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Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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