Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
