dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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