im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
