Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
