I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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