So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
