Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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