After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
