One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
