Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
