Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
