Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We had to coat check the pizza.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
