A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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