that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
