I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
