Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
