I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
