Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
