i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
