I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
