Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
