he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
