You kept calling me your small dog last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
