Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
