you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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