You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
