i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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