next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
