somebody snuck up and got me drunk
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
