I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
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You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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