sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
