Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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