Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
