Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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