Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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