I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
