haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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