its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
