Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
