I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
