Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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