you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
