I'm going to jail i love you
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
