nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
