he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
