im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
