I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
