Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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