just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
