Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
