She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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