I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Randomize
