You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
