I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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