she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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