btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
