Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
A+ Viking dick
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