she was so not down for the gang bang
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
