Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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