This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
