He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
