I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
zippers are such a cool invention
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
