Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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