I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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