I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
