dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
