I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
