i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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